By Karen Elwis

The following genuine examples are an amusing reminder of what can happen when you don't use a professional translation company...

On menu of Swiss restaurant: "Our wines leave you nothing to hope for."

On the door of a Moscow hotel room - "If this is your first visit to the USSR, you are welcome to it!"

Useful advice on how to drive Tokyo style: "When passenger of foot heave in sight, tootle the horn. Trumpet him melodiously at first, but if he still obstacles your passage then tootle him with vigour."

Bucharest hotel lobby: "The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time we regret that you will be unbearable."

In Austrian ski resort: "Not to perambulate the corridors in the hours of repose in the boots of ascension."

Shop entrance in Majorca: "English well talking. Here speeching American."

In a Paris hotel elevator: "Please leave your values at the front desk."

In a Bangkok dry cleaner's: "Drop your trousers here for best results."

On menu of Polish restaurant: "Salad a firm's own make: limpid red beet soup with cheesy dumplings in the form of a finger; roasted duck let loose; beef rashers beaten up in the country people's fashion." [Wonder if they ever caught the duck?!]

All goes to show - when it comes to translation, you need the professionals!